it's been a good weekend. kinda. i didn't manage to rest at all, kept awake by the shrieking, but at least i feel productive. but still there's so much swirling around in my head i wish there was someone i could spill it all to. someone who wouldnt mind so much if i get unverbose. or if i get confused and rambly and jump from train to train. or if i dont make sense at all. i dont know what to do much anymore, but i refuse to just let go and lose myself in the eddies. i still want to think im consciously working towards something. i dont want to be sloshed around like a ragdoll. i dont think i can even think nowadays. it's taking me ages just to write this, in fact, cause my mind keeps jumping from train to bloody train.

trying to be the little group that dared, trying to understand god, trying to pulling away from ensemble work, trying to be a better man, trying to be there for friends, trying to be a freaking annoying peacemaker, trying too hard.

i wish everyone would just be happy so i can be miserable properly.

):

for the only person who reads this blog - if you still do - be happy you're happy cause im happy you're happy